A Tale Of Wazzup Thieves And Dumb Saints

By Gospel Nonso Okechukwu

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In Lagos, people run shouting ‘Ole’ (the Yoruba word for thief) and many others join in the race shouting ‘Ole’ without actually knowing who the ‘Ole’ is, what was stolen and from whom it was stolen. This isn’t just a Lagos thing. It is now a normal Nigerian attitude. We like to shout ‘Ole’ and we shout it over government functionaries. Non, whether elected or appointed is spared.

Every public office holder is a suspect to the masses. They see those in government as thieves and those outside as saints. This widespread belief is so deep that every active citizen is seen as a potential thief. “Maybe he wants to run for office,” they say. A typical Nigerian would suspect that. Would you blame us? we’ve been scammed by many government functionaries over time.

It’s interesting to note that the thief in government is an active citizen first [for he’s in government because of his political awareness and involvement]. In fact, he was once a saint (or he paraded himself as one) and condemned other thieves in government. One begins to wonder, how did they get hold of power? Knowledge! Knowledge, they say is power. The saints willingly empowered them. They put them there. You’ll understand how as I distinguish both by their actions. You’ll also understand the dumbness of the saints and the wazzup disposition of thieves.

The saints can cry out loud. They’re very good at complaining but they do nothing and they’re unrelenting in their complaints. But the thieves, they steal and steal well. ‘Awon Ole’ (thieves) in Nigeria steal billions as if stealing in millions is an insult. That’s not all. Unlike the saint, the thieves are very knowledgeable about civic matters and they know how governance works. They understand the economics of population and how the country’s resources are distributed among its populace. They understand the politics of who gets what, when and how. We’ve seen this overtime with budget padding allegations. They know which government agency is a sham and how to leverage on the loopholes senior Ole’s have planted. They know which Senate Committee or Ministerial portfolio is juicy so they fight dirty to get there. They learn from their foreign counterparts and senior robber colleagues where to hide stolen wealth in the world. Unfortunately, the saints don’t know these.

The thieves are also very smart (of course that’s why they’re wazzup thieves). They have an eye on the saints. They know where the shoe pinches them the most and oftentimes give dosage of panadol to relief them of headache caused by cancer. Their prescription doesn’t match the sickness yet the saints because they’re dumb receive them graciously.

How do I know? Simple.

The monarchs among the saints honour thieves with prestigious traditional titles. The Clergy and Imams reserve front rows for these thieves even though they usually come late to worship in mosques and churches. For every 1km of road construction they facilitate in their community know that they’ve carted away with what it’ll cost to construct 5km yet our mothers and market women sing their praise, spread their clothes on the floor for them to step on. What a dumb act!

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At times when the cancer hurts so bad the saints gather together to play the victim. Many at some point would call for a protest. Again to relief them of their cancer caused headache the thieves dole out enough dosage of panadol and once again the saints gets calm, and their once loud citizenship engagement and call for accountability stops.

Another distinguishing characteristic between the thieves and saints in Nigeria is the tact, accurate political calculations and risk management proficiencies of the thieves whereas the saints are undiscerning. They fall so easily and cheaply to the mind games of the thieves. Six months or a year before elections, thieves start flag-off or commissioning ceremonies of what we now know as ‘campaign projects.’ By this time the saints would have been carried away with the excitement of another panadol dosage for a cancerous problem.

Both thieves and saints are highly motivated and determined groups. They have passion for Nigeria. Albeit, the passion of the thieves for the country can be likened to that of the herder. The cattle gives the herder milk and produces money for the herder. Of course he’ll passionate about his cash cow. However, the saint’s passion for his country is an innocent one. He just wants a good country he can be proud of but he feels he’s powerless and that is another dumb thing.

Thievery is rewarding in Nigeria. Government robbery is a lucrative business and I won’t be surprised to hear a primary school pupil say, “I want to be a thief in government when I grow up.”

Do you know the thieves actually call the saints dumb people? The saints don’t know their elected and appointed thieves but they actually did vote for and recommended them. That’s a contradiction you know. Nigeria is a country of many contradictions. The saints only shout ‘Ole’ but they can’t really point who the ‘Ole’ is, and most times there’s no proof to what was stolen even though something was actually stolen.

Let’s run a quick test to know if you’re one of the dumb saints:

Who is your local government chairman? Do you even know your ward councillor? How much was budgeted for education in the budget for the year? Who are your representatives in the national assembly? What about your representative in the state assembly? Where are their constituency offices located? Have you ever attended a town hall meeting organized by your representatives or have you asked for one?

Did you answer most of the questions? Many saints cannot.

Many times, we’re quick to compare ourselves with the Americans but truly there’s no basis for comparison. The average American knows the basics of governance and holds public office holders accountable.

The Americans understand what the duties of an American citizen are. The 26th President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt in his famous speech, ‘The Duties of American Citizenship’ says:

“The first duty of an American citizen, then, is that he shall work in politics; his second duty is that he shall do that work in a practical manner; and his third is that it shall be done in accord with the highest principles of honor and justice.”

The President’s speech isn’t a motivation. It’s a charge. And Americans have since embraced politics as their work.

It is my sincere hope that the saints embrace political knowledge, practicalize it with active citizenship engagement and carry out every activity with regard for the rule of law. If this is consistently followed the large-scale thievery and loopholes and scams in government will stop.

Gospel Nonso Okechukwu is an entrepreneur, active citizen and storyteller. Contact: +2348024633732 or gospelnonso8@gmail.com

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